CHALLENGES: It’s been 72 hours since Emil left and I have already been nearly run over, locked out of the room, wolf-whistled at and ripped off. But perhaps most worrying of all was being slapped on the arse by a middle-aged Vietmanese woman for stepping on her cabbages. I didn’t mean to, it was an accident! So much for me trying to pull myself together and go shopping!

GOODBYE: If you’ve made it this far in our blog, CONGRATULATIONS ! Thanks for reading and following us on our epic adventure. So, I will now say to you what I had to say to Emil, Adios Amigos!

CAVES: Nowadays anyway, it’s a stunning sight. Emil and I booked ourselves on a boat hotel and sunbathed on the roof whilst taking in a breathtaking view. It was so peaceful. I think we both got through at least one book each aboard that boat! We stopped after a while to visit the ‘Surprise Cave’.  Inside contained the highest number of white people I had seen in the whole of South East Asia-a tourist hotspot for sure! The cave itself was incredible. We passed through a small opening and I was worried it would feel too claustrophobic for me but no-inside was huge and lit up with coloured lights. It was like a palace from Narnia or Lord of the Rings. We climbed up and down many stairs and returned to the boat with burning thighs!

KAYAKING: We then sailed to a different part of the bay to kayak around the ‘mountains’ just as the sun was setting. To say it was beautiful would be an understatement. With me in the front of the kayak and Emil in the back, we picked up quite a speed. We soon lost sight of our boat. We discovered a deserted alcove, which was so silent, there was an eery feel to it. Legends of Vietnam’s Loch Ness Monster lingered in the back of my mind. On the way back, we came across a floating beer which Emil cracked open and needless to say it was me who rowed us home!

NIGHT: The boat was anchored and the sun had set. I lay on the roof with burning thighs and arms, now and looked up at the stars-that was truly magical.

Lying with my eyes closed, I felt a shadow on my face. Thinking it was one of those annoying saleswomen selling the most wanted item in the world to foreigners on a beach – scaly exo-skeleton creatures from the deep, I was surprised to open my eyes and see a huge parachute.

Sweet! This place has Parasailing! It didn’t take long before Pippa and I were up in one of those, soaring higher and higher above sea level, getting the full, true view of Nha Trang. It was amazing, and so much fun. I always say I have a fear of heights, but the adrenaline of contesting it seems to be winning. Pippa felt like she was going to fall out of the harness which was holding her up, so there was some drama for you. Luckily, we both got down safe. And with one more experience in our log. Next time we must skydive.

BUS: After Nha Trang we wanted to go to Hanoi, and I went pale (more than usual) when I found out it was a 40 hour journey. Shit. Longest bus trip of my life was from Sandefjord to Bergen, eight hours. Now that record was going to be more than doubled. Best buy a lot of books. We spent some time on the way in Hoi An (the tailor capital) and Hue (the history capital), and eventually ended up in Hanoi early in the morning.

We got picked up from the bus station and driven to a shabby hotel. They took our passports and checked us in. After five minutes in the room, we figured it was way too shabby for our standards, as it was exceptionally dirty. We therefore wanted to check out immediately. We put on our bags and strolled out of the hotel.

BEEF: I stopped at the reception counter explaining my deal and that I wanted to get our passports back. We were in our room for five minutes, and yet the owner wanted us to pay full price (8 dollars) for a night’s stay there. I refused, and after a bit of bickering, got tired of this ugly faced vietnamese bastard wanting my money. He refused to give back our passports til we’d payed. This didn’t go down well with me, I’m afraid, so I pushed him away and went behind the counter of the reception, went through the necessary drawers, and retrieved our passports forcefully. All the while, the vietnamese guy had been sitting on my back trying to stop me. Fortunately shorter than me, he didn’t have much he could’ve done stopping me from getting our passports.

But that’s not the end of this chapter, as you bloody well know these Vietnamese people are absolutely MONKEY INSANE. After I had to practically THROW him away from the exit which was were I was heading (Pippa was already outside), I was finally outside with Pippa. I was walking firmly away from the place when I noticed Pippa didn’t care to leave the place. While yelling to her: “WHY AREN’T YOU COMING WITH ME??”, I see the Vietnamese man come out of the hotel with a crow bar in his hand. He was obviously out to kill me. Cos when these little fuckers are offended, their poor little retarded egos are hurt, so they just HAVE to do some serious physical damage. Monkey people, I tell you.  I was already ten metres down the road, so he decided (considering there was many a vietnamese witness around me) to attack Pippa who were still standing by the hotel doors (why she was still doing this is beyond me, she later said she thought our passports were still in there). He thought the better of it, however, and decided only to leave her a kick in the backpack she was wearing on the stomach. He later went inside, and we grabbed a taxi on our way to another hotel.

What frightens me in these situations abroad is the law. The vietnamese guy was smaller than me, and if I had had to, I could easily open a can of whopping on him, not to brag. But the Vietnamese are corrupt and loyal to their own people more than anyone, so explaining a brawl to the Po-Lice would most certainly be an issue. Especially since I needed my passport to be valid and intact for travel in a week. I did not want to be caught up in legal matters, trapped in Vietnam, so I did everything to keep it on the low. Thinking back on it, it actually couldn’t have ended better after the retard got manic. Any other outcome, and we could either be in jail, our passports could be revoked, or worst of all, someone could get seriously hurt. All I know is, hadn’t we been in Vietnam, I might not have been so forgiving.

CENA PARA DOS: Of course with our perfect surroundings, it was only fair to enjoy our favourite pastime too…FOOD! And we did not let ourselves down, enjoying a nine course french cuisine meal including a bottle of red wine for only 20 pounds each and the food was delicious to say the least!

PARTY TIME: We had eaten, we had relaxed, we had explored, swum and tried valiantly to tan. There was only one thing left to do to make our stay complete…PARTY! We headed down to the beach for a fire show, which was fantastic, a guy from Blackpool, believe it or not, spun fire balls around his body so fast, you couldn’t even see his arms! The show quickly turned into a rave and we found ourselves in the middle of the crowd on the beach, complete with glow sticks in our hands and music from a live DJ so we did only what we could do and danced the night away.

Wearing what felt like a backpack full of boulders, Emil’s brain told him it was probably a bad idea to jump into the water. Yet these were the orders he had gotten from the diving instructor just moments earlier.

Emil had been sitting with the instructor and two other divers on the side of the boat for a briefing. The instructor had gone through different hand-gestures indicating the lack of oxygen, trouble ahead, shark, and OK. He went on to explain about the buoyancy vest we were wearing. It’s filled with oxygen at the click of a button, and deflates just as easily on command. This was to keep stable when under water. ‘Whatever you do,’ The Instrucor had said. ‘Don’t use the buoyancy vest to surface.’ ‘Why not,’ one of the other amateur divers asked. ‘Because your lungs will explode,’ the instructor replied with a grin. Nice.

When deep underwater, the air in your lungs is compressed because of the ocean pressure. Inflating your vest while under water would cause you to shoot up to the surface like a bullet. On the way up, the air in your lungs would expand, resulting in blown up lungs, and that would certainly end in tears.

But this was the vest that would also ensure Emil would stay afloat once in the water with a backpack full of boulders. At least that’s what he’d been told. ‘Hold your weight belt and your oxygen mask, look straight ahead, and step into the water!’ The Instructor was already in, willing Emil to join him in the water. Emil did as he asked, and after a few seconds sinking towards the depths of the ocean, he felt an updraft and bounced to the surface like a cork. ‘Excellent’, Emil thought. At least I’m in.

Inspired by Dan Brown!

SNORKELLING: While Emil was diving, I stuck to the surface opting to snorkel instead. It was incredible, the sea was so clear and I saw so many brilliantly colourful sea creatures, including an eel!EEK! It was one of the best days we had on the trip, relaxing on the boat and chilling under the sun.

HO CHI MINH CITY: We started off in Ho Chi Minh City named afer a communist revolutionary and formerly know as Saigon. As the first port of Vietnam it struck me as being refreshingly modern, mo0re so than our previously visited countries, but it has also kept its Asianess. We ate several times at food vendors where “Pho” is highly popular. It’s rice/noodle soup.

WAR REMNANTS MUSEUM: The traffic is the craziest I’ve seen it in Asia-challenging the Indian Highways. Visiting the War Remnants Museum taught us that the USA spent twice or more as much money on the Vietnam war than the Second World War, and we got to look into the lives of the victims. Sons and daughters of people exposed to the illegal chemical weaponery used by the US in the war. There was plenty of evidence, and certainly enought photos of the deformed bodies created by the Agent Orange.

MOVING ON: Saigon is a great city and inspired us to travel Vietnam further when have more time. Now it’s time to head for the coast from of Nha Trang.

TUOL SLENG: We made our way to the ‘Tuol Sleng’ Museum where prisoners were kept and tortured before being driven to the Killing Fields to be killed. Many died in the prison. This place was so sick. Previously a high school, it was converted to a prison where people lived chained to a single bed and whipped, dunked in water and submitted to every other type of torture. Each prisoner had a mug shot taken before they were killed and these were displayed. The old men, with their heads hung in defeat and the children, with confusion on their faces broke my heart. It was all too much and not long before tears were running down my face. The fact that the UN did not recognise the new government after Pol Pot until 1991, almost 10 years after the Pol Pot (official) government was overthrown is unbelieveable. Thank god these disgusting animals, who inflicted so much pain, are finally being put to trial although many have died already before justice could be done.

ANGKOR WAT: Approaching the 8th Wonder of the World was something totally different from any other experience I had had. Speeding along the banks of the moat, this ancient monument rose up from the jungle. We went at sunrise to see the temple lit up from behind. We sat, huddled in the dawn light by a pond, looking up. Despite the many tourists, there was an eery feeling and not much noise apart from the frequent calls from coffee and tea sellers. Angkor Wat struck me as a less perfect version of the Taj Mahal. This one was built for King Suryavarman II in the early 12th century as his state temple and capital city. It is the only one to have remained a significant religious centre since its foundation—first Hindu dedicated to Vishnu, then Buddhist.

ANGKOR THOM: We moved onto Angkor Thom, which was a few kilometres to the north. In 1177, approximately 27 years after the death of Sulyavarman II,  the city of Angkor was sacked by the Charms, the traditional enemies of the Khmer. Thereafter the empire was restored by a new king, Jayavarman VII, who established a new capital and state temple  at Angkor Thom. Unlike Angkor Wat, it was deserted and in ruins. Giant faces carved into the rocks gave this temple a totally different feel. We walked through the ruins, which spanned out like a maze on two levels, we even almost got lost (or I did at least!).

SCAMMED: Our bus driver was so sick, I’m surprised he could even see, he drove like a maniac and sneezed, blowing his germs through the air system, straight into my face. The minibus was packed full and we drove a little more than half an hour before we stopped for ”five” minutes. Forty-five minutes later, we climbed back in the bus armed with snacks and water. The minibus was unbearably sticky and so uncomfortable. We were reassured that we would be transferring to an air-con VIP bus with reclining seats at the next town. It was still two hours away. Three hours later; no stop. Finally we arrived, piling into a restaurant to eat. We had just ten minutes. To our dismay there was no big bus and we had no choice but to climb into the minibus once more. The roads had no tarmac and so our ride was unbelievably bumpy and going from bad to worse. Now growing increasingly suspicious and it beginning to get dark, we began to question our near-death driver as to our direction and destination. He spoke no English but managed to spit out Phnom Penh. By now our fellow travellers and us had our roles cut out to get us out of this scam. All of us shouted ”NO!” at the bus driver and the next hour was spent driving exceedingly slowly and negotiating with the english speaking ticket seller over the phone. Rosheen, an irish nurse did the talking. An elderly french couple led our mission, issuing instruction. Kathy, another irish was the hysterical damsel in distress and I was labeled the firecracker while Pippa had the job of keeping everyone’s spirits up. Despite our best efforts, we ended up in Phnom Penh. But we weren’t giving up without a fight. After all, we had paid good money to be delivered in Siem Reap. We pulled up outside an expensive guesthouse and were told we had to pay to stay the night before setting off the following morning to Siem Reap. There was NO WAY we were going to pay our accommodation. Playing my role perfectly as ”Firecracker Emil”, I stole the keys to the bus. We were not moving until we had them agree to pay our accommodation.  They finally caved in, we had won! WE arrived in Siem Reap at 3pm the next day. By this time we had run out of clean clothes and I had caught some illness. Pippa used her sarong as a makeshift bra that night to go out to dinner, so attractive…and we both ate like Kings. What?! We deserved it!

SWINGING: We settled on the banks of the river, beer in hand, to watch these MENTAL people (exceedingly drunk of course) swinging from a platform at least 20m high, hanging onto a single bar, before dropping with a tremendous splash into the fast flowing river below. Everyone looked so disorientated when their heads finally emerged from the water. Luckily though, Lao kids on the side were sober and alert enough to throw these lunatics a rope to pull them in. This was the ONLY safety precaution present. At least 3 or 4 people die a year whilst ‘tubing’. So, Emil and I sat there and watched grown men, visibly scared swing and drop into the river. I was just thinking how easy it would be for someone the drown when Emil turned to me with a look in his eyes that filled me with dread.

”I’m going to do it”, he said with a huge grin.

” Oh shit”, I thought.

He climbed to the top of the platform leaving me on the banks of the river with the video cam. He looked so small up there and I could tell he was nervous. Knowing about his small fear of heights, I was sure he would either turn around and climb down the stairs or hang onto the bar for ages screaming like a girl, too scared to let go. I even said to the people around me that he would scream like a baby. I could actually feel tears welling up in my eyes, seeing horrible visions of Emil slipping and falling onto rocks or simply just not resurfacing. I saw him grab the bar and I turned away as I couldn’t bear to watch. Someone sitting next to me turned to me and said,

“Well I definitely don’t call that screaming like a baby!”

I looked around and Emil was in the air not swinging by his hands like everyone else but had manoevured himself so that he was holding onto the bar with his legs swinging upside down before flipping back the other way to drop into the water feet-first. His face emerged from the water evidently delighted at his mischievous trickery.

MOVING ON: After the excitement of Emil’s swing, we decided to move onto the next bar further down the river on our tube. Alas, our tube had been stolen. There was only one option: to float down the river on our own. Thankfully, the kids were as alert as ever throwing us a rope and pulling us in. The second bar was just a packed as the first with one difference. A massive mud pool sat in the centre. Many mud fights and wrestles later, we stole a tube (it was only fair) and moved onto the next bar. This one had a slide! By the time Emil climbed up the stairs to get to the slide, it was dark. All I heard was I plop! And then he was by my side again. It being pitch black, we decided to get our asses down the river ASAP.

NEAR DEATH: If we thought swinging and sliding was dangerous, this was to be a beigger challenge yet. Five minutes after leaving the bar, both piled onto one tubew, we were totally alone in a fast flowing river and we couldn’t see a thing. Suddenly, floating along, we heard a hissing sound. Yes- our tube ahd a hole in it. So we did the only thing we could do and began to scream for help. Another one of those angelic kids heard us and threw us a rope. We climbed up into his house where the family ”fixed” our tube with a pump, plastic bag and elastic band. We faced the river one more time. Ten minutes later and we realised we were actually sinking. We screamed with far more urgency this time and we were again pulled to safety and driven home in the family’s truck. Exhausted by the day’s adventures, we went to bed at 8pm.